i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
