Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
