Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
