i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
