is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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