I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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