We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
