What did we do last night that was yellow?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
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You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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