so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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