She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
