Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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