Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
