there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
