I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
