This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
