If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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