I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
