The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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