we have pet lesbian snakes
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Someone shattered a urinal.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
