So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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