allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
