I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
