i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
