I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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