her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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