i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize