all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
