Your tits are I can't wait for
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
