Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
