first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
