Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
