Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
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he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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