dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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