Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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