You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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