your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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