What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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