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He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
