Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
