K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
