I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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