Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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