I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
