somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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