Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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