Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
