Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
