We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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