how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
