My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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