My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
