That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
