her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
50% drunk capacity currently
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
