3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
