I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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