and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
