Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
