So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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