we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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