the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
