I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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