And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
