I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
