What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
