Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
