We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
